One occasion where it isn’t rude to stare. Go right ahead.
I consulted everything in this photo, and I have permission. It’s flattered, honestly.
Take a second to take in the syrupy, glistening, rich sheen. Check out the hunks of crisped smoky bacon. Ogle the soft, sweet, mellow onion and the spicy chunks of jalapeno.
Coffee is in there, for deep flavor and color. Also apple cider vinegar, for the balance that a sharp bite brings. They’re a bit camera-shy, but beloved just the same.
So, yeah. That’s what I’ve been doing with my life: making decadence happen.
I know I don’t need to tell you what to do with this, but I will anyway. If you don’t just eat it all with a spoon, you could jar it and give to friends, or people whom you want to befriend (this is foolproof). You could use it to take sandwiches to soaring new heights. Put it on a cheese/crackers tray. Stare at it, hold it gingerly, take it on a walk, name it George. You will find a use.
I found one possible use while I was right in the middle of photographing it. Yeah…
No regrets. If I had a banana, I probably would’ve brought Elvis back to life.
(If anyone asks, I would like that last sentence on my headstone when the time comes.)
(adapted from )
1 1/2 pounds (24 oz) sliced bacon, cut into 1-inch pieces
2 medium yellow onions, diced
2 jalapenos, chopped (seed them if you want a milder jam)
3 garlic cloves, smashed and peeled
1/2 cup apple cider vinegar
1/2 cup packed dark-brown sugar
1/4 cup maple syrup
3/4 cup brewed coffee
Cook the bacon in a big skillet or pot over medium-high heat until crisped and the fat is renedered (about 20 minutes). Use a slotted spoon to transfer the bacon onto a paper-towel lined plate and set aside. Pour all but a tablespoon of the fat from the skillet or pot, then add the onions, jalapenos and garlic. Saute until onions are translucent and jalapenos soft (6 minutes or so). Add the remainder of the ingredients (except the bacon) and bring the mixture to a boil, scraping up the browned bits from the bottom.
Stir in the bacon, then transfer mixture to a slow cooker and cook on high for about 4 hours (original recipe says this mixture gets syrupy, which I found not to be the case, but it turned out well anyway). Pulse in a food processor or blender to your desired level of chunkiness (I’d recommend leaning to the chunky side), cool, and store refrigerated in an airtight jar. Makes a generous pint.